Annie's Savvy Cafe

The economy is so bad...

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

African television stations are now showing ‘Sponsor an American Child’ commercials!

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can’t afford batteries.

I ordered a burger at McDonald’s and the kid behind the counter asked, “Can you afford fries with that?”

CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

My ATM gave me an IOU!

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife.

If the bank returns your check marked “Insufficient Funds,” you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

McDonald’s is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America .

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children’s names.

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn’t afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico .

Motel Six won’t leave the light on anymore.

A picture is now only worth 200 words.

They renamed Wall Street ” Wal-Mart Street .”

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.  Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally… I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

 

Thanks to fellow sarcastic blogger Sheila over at Slightly Sarcastic!!  Stop by and read her stuff!

You'll put somebody's eye out

I came across this and had to share with my readers. This is a case of funny but true and it doesn't even discuss the Red Ryder carbine-action 200-shot range model air rifle .

 

 

By Scott Paulsen, FOR THE PITTSBURGH TRIBUNE-REVIEW
Friday, December 10, 2010

We didn't have much, yet I cannot remember a Christmas when the tree wasn't surrounded with presents for us five kids. Mom and Dad found a way, each year, to play Santa.

That still doesn't explain why they tried so hard to kill us.

I am reminded of their murderous efforts each year at this time as safety organizations publish their annual lists of toys deemed "too dangerous for children," an inventory Mom and Dad would have considered "research."

The idea of parents willfully buying dangerous toys for their children may seem irresponsible to the people of today, those who place helmets on every bare head. I, however, am an ancient throwback from the time before airbags, a survivor of the days when people drank unfiltered water straight from neighbors' garden hoses.

We played outside, all day, without supervision, helmets, watch lists, knee pads, life coaches or schedules, among hard rocks, sharp tree branches and germ-filled dirt -- and survived such dangerous and foolish times.

After 11 months of dealing with five muddy kids, my parents were only too happy to shake Santa's hand in December. The three had a deal. They'd feed him milk and cookies. In return, he would leave all sorts of deathtraps under the Paulsen tree.

Santa brought me a Wood Burning Kit when I was 6 (6!). It consisted of a sharply pointed metal spear that, once plugged into a wall socket, rose to a temperature hot enough to burn wood (thus the name).

Each year, one of the five of us would get roller skates (stitches), a sled (fracture), or skateboards (concussion). The best gift Santa brings -- a BB gun -- was perpetual as well. Three boys in a family will ensure that happens.

Now, in our modern, scheduled play date, constant visual contact, haz-mat suit, OSHA-approved padded foam play areas with a lifeguard-on-duty world, we know the Daisy air rifle was responsible for eliminating the eyes of 93 percent of American men between the ages of 45 and 60. No wonder eyepatches became so fashionable in the '80s.

It wasn't only the boys. My parents wished to maim and disfigure my sisters as well. They live to this day with the scarred reminders from leaning too close to the Easy-Bake Oven. Pink bicycles flew as far as black ones when jumping from the back porch.

I applaud the efforts of groups like W.A.T.C.H. (World Against Toys Causing Harm) for publishing lists of dangerous toys. They mean well. Shortly after applauding, however, I laugh, knowing that kids have not changed one iota from when I was a short person. No matter how safe a toy is deemed, a 10-year-old will find a way to make it dangerous.

Mom and Dad made it easy. They gave us lawn darts, pogo sticks, mini-bikes, bow-and-arrow sets and that granddaddy of irresponsible parenting, the Gilbert Chemistry Set.

Wonder what happens when I mix these two together?

Oops.

That's going to leave a scar.

 

Paraprosdokian

I have a dear friend that I can always count on for a good laugh or pick me up. No matter what goes on in life, she inspires me with her positive attitude and her uncanny ability to know when I need a little comic relief. Thank you Karla!

Here is today's pick me up...

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκßα", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

Ø   I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
 
Ø   Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
 
Ø   I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
 
Ø   Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
 
Ø   The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.
 
Ø   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
 
Ø   If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
 
Ø   We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
   
Ø   War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
 
Ø   Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
 
Ø   The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
 
Ø   Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
 
Ø   To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
 
Ø   A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
 
Ø   How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
 
Ø   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
 
Ø   Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.
 
Ø   I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.
 
Ø   A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
 
Ø   Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".
 
Ø   I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
 
Ø   I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?"
 
Ø   Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
 
Ø   Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
 
Ø   Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?
 
Ø   Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
 
Ø   A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
 
Ø   You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
 
Ø   The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
 
Ø   Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
 
Ø   A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
 
Ø   Hospitality:  making your guests feel like they're at home, even if you wish they were.
 
Ø   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
 
Ø   I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
 
Ø   Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
 
Ø   There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
 
Ø   I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
 
Ø   I always take life with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
 
Ø   When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
 
Ø   You're never too old to learn something stupid.

Ø   To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

Ø   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
 
Ø   Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
 
Ø   A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it, as when you are in it.
 
Ø   If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child?
 
Ø   Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Interview on the Street

You gotta love the attitude!

 

 

A classic...

Since I am from the airline industry, I don't usually post anything that makes pilots look bad since they have it rough enough as it is these days. This video below is just plane (ha ha) good clean fun from way back when comedy was just that...good clean fun!!!

How is Norma?

A friend of mine e-mailed me this cute little story and I had to share because I know a lot of readers will be able to relate......ENJOY!

 
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph 's  Hospital.  She timidly asked,

"Is it possible to speak to someone  who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator  said,  "I'll be glad to help, dear.  What's the name  and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in  her weak, tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay,  Room 302."

The operator replied,
"Let me put you on  hold while I check with the nurse's station for that  room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the  phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that  Norma is doing well.  Her blood  pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and  her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be  discharged tomorrow.."

The grandmother said,
"Thank  you.  That's wonderful.  I was so worried.  God  bless you for the good news."

The operator  replied, "You're more than welcome.  Is Norma your  daughter?"

The grandmother said,
"No, I'm Norma Findlay in  Room 302.  No one tells me  shit."

This is how my brain works....

or shall I say, this is how my brain doesn't work. Right after Thanksgiving, I was remembering that a dear friend of mine had a birthday coming up in the first half of December. The 10th to be exact. Well, I knew it was coming and I planned everyday what cutesy little thing I could do, either by posting on my blog or by Facebooking something. She doesn't like a big fuss, but she certainly deserves to be recognized on her birthday, especially since she is older than me, ha ha!! That is my favorite part of her birthday.

Well, you know Facebook does everything it can to remind you of these upcoming birthdays short of reaching out and slapping you in the face, and all week prior to the 10th I was wishing it wasn't reminding me because I was doing a fabulous job of remembering all by myself and I wanted the credit. I was so pleased with myself and that doesn't happen very often. I didn't want her thinking the only reason I remembered was because Facebook reminded me.

Well, the 10th of December came and went and I couldn't for the life of me tell you what I was doing all day, except completely forgetting someone's birthday. Even Facebook wasn't good enough to trigger me that day. Now, the way I see it, I though of her for weeks in advance, and now I think of her everyday while trying to figure out how I forgot her. Maybe the moral of the story is that I really do think of her much more often than just on her birthday (obviously) and I hope she has some normal friends that helped her celebrate that particular special day that managed to elude me one way or another.

A brain fart (jocularly derived from "brainstorm")^[1] is slang for a special kind of abnormal brain activityhuman error while performing a repetitive task,^[2][3] or more generally denoting a degree of mental laxity or any task-related forgetfulness, such as forgetting how to hold a fork. Tom Eichele, a neuroscientist at the University of Bergen in Norway, was part of an international team of researchers who identified evidence that the brain fart is detectable in brain scans up to 30 seconds before the mistake is actually made. The researchers suspect the abnormal behavior is the result of the brain attempting to save effort on a task by entering a more restful state. The scientists detailed their findings on 21 April 2008 online in the journal which results in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The scientific term they gave the phenomenon is "maladaptive brain activity change

Happy Birthday Malia!!!!!!

You know I love ya!!! Everyday!!

An Actual Craig's List Personal Ad

One of my savvy readers asked that I share this with everyone. I don't know how true this story is, but I would like to think it is possible that someone actually thought to handle this situation in this manner...

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last,

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 am, E.S.T.

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that somehow you come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head...isn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone and wallet with me. (That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again).

After I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, --on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful.

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie's Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. (That made his day).  I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb...after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's up with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you...but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and I can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully,

Alex

Funnies from court...

One of my savvy readers sent me this funny little piece of literature so I thought I would share with all...

These cross-examinations, are taken from a book, called ‘Disorder in the Court ‘.
They are statements made in court, purportedly, word for word, taken down at the time, and published now by Court Reporters, who had the torment to stay calm, and controlled, while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

----------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

----------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there

----------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

----------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do..
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s twenty, much like your IQ

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

--------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid.

--------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS : Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..
ATTORNEY: And Mr… Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

---------------------------------------------

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was a live when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Let's talk about Facebook...

Last year, about the time both kids left for college and beyond, I decided to join this social network called Facebook. My sole reason for joining was to keep in contact with the kids and to be able to chat with them live and just kind of know what they are doing without expecting too much from them in the way of actual communication. I have also had a lot of bloggers recommend Facebook for networking.
And so it began...I loaded my profile with some pertinent personal info, and I invited a few people to be my friend. After just a few hours I had more friends than I realized. Most of them were relatives (some of which I didn't know I had) and the rest of them were friends of my kids,but still, it was pretty intriguing. Navigating around the site can get a little tricky because you are always being lured to games and quizzes and advertisements and can easily click on the wrong thing and end up in cyber hell on a virtual date with a Russian porn star.

As I became more familiar with my new Facebook surroundings, I was able to find some pretty fun things to get into. This is not just a social site, but it has many activities to keep you busy and addicted.  The first thing that happened was one of my good friends sent me a horse for my Farm. What Farm? I didn't even know I had a Farm, let alone animals I had to care for. At first I was afraid it was like those Tamagotchis that you had to feed and care for or else it would die. I was seriously thinking of "unfriending" this person that thought I needed one more thing to care for. She finally assured me it was just a silly gift and there was no attention required on my part. She was almost right. As I dove deeper into Facebook, I found that not only should I be planting and harvesting on my Farm, but I now also have a Lil' Blue Cove with exotic fish and a Lil' Green Patch with flowers and plants. My cove gets cloudy and gets trash in it and I have to clean it. My patch gets squirrels and weeds and digging dogs in it and I have to tend to it. Yikes!! My own house and yard are already suffering due to my newly found addiction, but now I am suppose to care for something that isn't actually in my true reality.

These Facebook creators really know how to reach out and grab everyone. I saw some of my friends taking silly quizzes about their personalities and what celebrity they should be and I thought they were all very bored or else sinking into a deep depression. Then it happened... I came across a Disney trivia quiz, then a Twilight trivia quiz and then a "What is your vampire name" questionaire. I figured a few cute little questions wouldn't hurt, but unfortunately that leads to "What Brady Bunch character are you"?, "What T.V. Mom are you"?, and "What state should you be living in"?  Really? This is what what my life has come to? I think Facebook is actually creating a false reality so that we all forget what a mess the economy is in not to mention the people that should be out looking for jobs instead of tending to fake Farms and Coves.

I talked my hubby into signing up (actually I created an account for him against his wishes) so that he could keep up with the kids and possibly find some old friends. I also thought this would be fun to send some love "Flair" while he was traveling. Flair is another word for cutesy buttons with fun sayings on them. This quickly became my favorite thing to do...send Flair!!!

It didn't take hubby long before he discoverd the "dark side" of Facebook. He was contacted by his ex-wife who not only wanted to be friends, but wanted to know more about his life and family, blah blah blah!! He didn't want anything to do with that and quickly retreated from any contact with her.

On the other hand, I have been able to re-connect with friends from High School that I thought were long gone from my life. It really warms my heart to be able to chat with them and share our life experiences and reminisce about our old friendships and the fun we had. This is what I think Facebook should really be about. I have also dug up some family that I didn't know I had and that is really nice as we grow older.

So, despite the many silly distractions, I thoroughly enjoy Facebook and I am very thankful for the friends that I have reunited with. Sometimes, I even get to talk to my kids and see what they are up to!!

Why I don't fish....

Click to play...I don't usually make it a habit of posting many videos, but this one really made me laugh and just confirms why I don't fish. Thanks Dad!!!

Is this how the "Chaos Theory" works?

I am sure some of you have seen this before, but it totally cracked me up so I thought I would share it.

Puppy Training

Thank you to one of my loyal readers...

HOW TO PREPARE FOR A PUPPY!!!

• Pour cold apple juice on the carpet in several places and walk around barefoot in the dark.

• Wear a sock to work that has had the toes shredded by a blender.

• Immediately upon waking, stand outside in the rain and dark saying, "Be a good puppy and go potty - hurry up now -- come on, lets go."

• Cover all of your best suits with dog hair. Dark suits must have white hair and light suits must have dark. In addition, some hair must be in your first cup of morning coffee.

• Play catch with a wet tennis ball.

• Run out in the snow in your bare feet to close the gate.

• Tip over a basket of clean laundry, scatter clothing all over the floor. Taking care to shred at least one of each pair of socks.

• When the doorbell rings drop your dirty underwear on the living room floor, because that is where the pup will drag it anyway, after all, company is coming.

• Jump out of your chair shortly before the end of your favorite TV show and run to the door shouting, "No, No! Do that outside!" Miss the end of the program.

• Gouge the leg of the dining room table several times with a screwdriver.

• Put chocolate pudding on the carpet in the morning, and do not try to clean it up until you return from work that evening.

TAKE A WARM, CUDDLY BLANKET OUT OF THE DRYER AND IMMEDIATELY WRAP IT AROUND YOURSELF!! THIS IS THE FEELING YOU GET WHEN YOUR PUPPY FALLS ASLEEP ON YOUR LAP!!

If you think you hate your job...

When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this out:
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson.  Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now, for the fun part...

Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson &Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. ' 

Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times,'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson &Johnson.'

Too long to be a comment

My new friend and fellow blogger, Jane Doe over at Insanity Personified, always writes about things that I feel the urge to comment on. I think that makes her a great blogger. She usually just writes whatever is on her mind at the time, but that is the best part of her writing. I don't think she really cares if we like it or not. The funny part of it is, I can't wait to read what she writes because I usually feel the exact same way. As I have said in a previous post, I wish she were my neighbor so that I could start every day out with coffee and Jane. Then again, I guess that is what I do anyway just via the Internet. Wouldn't it be funny if she really was my neighbor?

Jane's latest post made me anxious to comment on her blog, but by the time I was finished writing, it looked more like a post in itself than a comment. So, I have turned my comments to Jane into a post today. That means you will also have to stop by and check out Jane's blog so you know what the heck I am talking about.

For Jane:

First of all, if you started your day off with a crappy cup of coffee like that, no wonder you can't breathe! A good, comfy cup of coffee in the morning is mandatory for survival. After 8 months of training, even my Golden Retriever knows that! As far as sleeping at night, you should try the MonVie that I drink. It makes me sleep like a baby.

Second of all, the only thing I notice about Michelle Obama is that she is a beautiful, smart woman no matter what she wears. People who are fascinated only by her sense of fashion might be a factor in what is wrong with our country right now. A small factor, but none the less, a factor.

Third of all, I also love to read, but rarely find the time. As of late, I have decided that having time to myself to read makes a better life for all involved, especially those of them residing in my house with me. Given that information, let me also tell you that I am embarrassed to admit that I have become completely addicted to the Twilight Saga that is so popular right now with teens. The first book was a Christmas present and since I am so easily intrigued, I started reading it right away. Needless to say, I am now in the middle of the third book and can't put it down. It is much simpler reading than you are probably used to, but I tend to get lost in the story and the way the author makes me feel and I love that. If you haven't already read this series, I strongly suggest you immerse yourself in this fantasy world. You will discover a whole new desire for vampires and werewolves!

Fourthly, (is that a word?) I feel the same way about the Clinton presidency. I really did not care what was going on in the Oval office after hours, nor do I think the whole nation should've wasted our time and money on it. The country was in a good place, Bill seemed like a good man (and he played a mean saxophone) and the rest was Hillary's problem. If that is what it takes to run this country, then I hope President and Mrs. Obama have a very active sex life and I don't care if it is in the Oval office or Air Force One. Although, they probably don't really want me blogging about their sex life and I expect the black helicopters to circle my house any minute.

Lastly, congrats on your recent awards. I look forward to checking them out when you post them. I hope you are having a wonderful day, and I also hope this posts makes you realize that you are not alone in this world.